"Stop spying on us," say Americans between updating Facebook statuses

Americans are NOT happy with possibly being spied on. We don't like anyone being up in our business, or the idea that complete strangers would find out anything about our lives. Now if you'll excuse us, we need to check in with Foursquare and post pictures of these delicious tacos we're about to eat.

"They have no right to invade my privacy," say Americans, as they update their Facebook statuses on profiles filled with publicly-viewable information like where they live, where their kids go to school, rants about their jobs, oversharing of their personal lives, and "likes" of pages that reveal their political views and personal hygiene product preferences.

"Stay out of my inbox," they type furiously, into their Gmail filled with ads that Google targets by scanning the content of their private email messages.

"Go away, NSA," they chant, while posting Instagrams of their tropical vacation, revealing to the world that their home is completely unoccupied for two weeks.

"Leave us alone," everyone cries, as they obsess over composing insightful and witty Twitter tweets, then add multiple #hashtags to be sure their thoughts are seen by as many strangers as possible.

"Don't stalk me," they complain, as they friend former flames and friends of friends of friends, and check in everywhere so that their routes and routines can be easily pieced together by anyone.

No, we are not happy here in America, not one bit. And as soon as we finish composing this status and tagging our friends, relatives, and other peoples' kids, we're going to write a very sternly-worded Tumblr about it.

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